PHOTO | FILE A relationship is akin to a business deal.
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Posted
Wednesday, July 17
2013 at
01:00
In Summary
- Sometimes, there’s need for power play to get what you want – don’t shy away from flexing your muscles if needed.
I have been reading about the hullabaloo
surrounding the preparation, presentation, approval, and eventual
execution of the national budget. Hidden from the eyes of the common mwananchi,
there are processes that include technocratic input, lobbying,
negotiations and power play. The final product is what will shape this
country in the planning year as well as lay a foundation for successive
years.
Along the same lines, I have deeply considered the
process of one making a proposal for a lasting relationship—what goes
into it and how that influences the future of the relationship. I have
concluded that these same processes—technocratic input, lobbying,
negotiations and power play should apply. Here is why.
Technocratic Input
A big term for sure, but it holds just as much. It
means that certain technical details are necessary before popping that
all important question. It is about knowing exactly what you want and
using it to gauge your catch. In very technical terms, consider the
demographics, (age, colour, tribe, size and shape) sociographics
(family, friends, and other affiliations) and the psychographic details,
such as attitudes, emotional state, and passion.
If need be, which I think should always be the
case, seek the advice of others whom you can trust and who can help you
to make an honest assessment of your intended partner.
Lobbying
Lobbying is about drawing people to your side, to
sell your ideas convincingly to those who may influence the final
decision. In my view, the many hurdles that affect a relationship, such
as family, should be dealt with earlier. For instance, in the context of
a relationship that exists two to three years or more before the actual
proposal is made, I believe parents and other important people should
be informed and lobbied for the sake of a smooth transition when the
time comes.
Negotiations
Negotiations are necessary where all interests
cannot be fully satisfied. It is a give and take process in which
parties bargain and finally come to a consensus.
In relationships, it is surprising that people
enter into a union and immediately start fighting over issues that had
existed all along, such as property acquired separately. How such
property will be owned, and more importantly how it will be used are
important areas of negotiations. Another interesting aspect of this is
where there are ex-partners in the picture, and who may have reasons to
stake a claim on either of you. It makes sense in my view to effectively
close that chapter by negotiating a safe exit, whatever that may mean
in that instance.
Power play
Power play is the final approach, and it involves
flexing of muscles where necessary to make things happen, as the
government in power is doing right now. This must be seen in light of
all the other processes we’ve discussed, and is based on the assumption
that there will be need for power play for some things to happen. That
need arises when one is confident that he or she has done all that could
have been done, and sufficient ground has been covered already. In
other words, it must be a last resort, not the modus operandi.
I find this of particular importance when dealing
with categories of people such as relatives who may be opposed to your
relationship. When you’re convinced you’ve made the right choice, have
attempted to lobby and negotiate and have failed, I think it’s time to
move on. And yes, you have the power to make that decision because after
all, you are the one who will live with the consequences.
Let me conclude by saying that this process is not
linear, but cyclical. There should always be room for review depending
on the circumstances.
The writer is a counsellor. Do you have a question? Write to skirunga@yahoo.com
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